Missing

You ever just wake up and miss someone because you dreamed about hanging out with them that night? I hate dreams, because they aren't really controllable, and they reflect some of your innermost desires. So, I think I'm okay in saying that it stinks when you dream of holding someone in your arms only to wake up, groggy and confused, to being alone. It's interesting to me, I can't believe how quickly that someone can come into your heart in an unguarded moment. IF you don't keep it shut at all times, then someone that you're least expecting can just walk into your heart and walk out with it. And half the time, you don't even know that it's happened. All you know is that for some reason, you don't have a problem doing things for that person, and that you always want to spend time with them. When you're not with them, it's like colors just aren't as bright, and the food just doesn't taste quite so good. Which is a silly old cliche, but I think that there is a reason that certain statements become cliche, and that is their ubiquitous application. I mean, you always roll your eyes at cliche statements, but if you really think about it, there is a pretty big chance that said statement would apply to your life at one point or another. That's a scary thought, that maybe we're living a comedy of cliches in our lives. So, in respect to those of you who sneer at cliches, I will leave you with my favorite line from Remember the Titans, "When something unexpected comes to you, you just have to pick it up and run with it." And maybe, this time, I'm running to the end zone.

Deuces

So, I think I'm finally ready to chuck the deuces to the memory of failed expectations and broken hearts and move on. I think I'm finally ready to just go naturally and see where life takes me. If it takes me to a person that I can share my life with, then I'll let it.

So that's my thought for today. That and that I'm happy that the Hawks are the first 7-9 division champion in league history. That's pretty good. If we win Saturday, coupled with a successful trip to the batting cages and five guys burgers and fries, I think I'll be a happy camper. Here's to keeping my fingers crossed and to going into something wide eyed with no expectations.

Knocked Down

You always have to maintain an open mind. Sometimes what you're looking for is gonna be right there in front of your face. Maybe not the right time, but don't ever close off any possibilities, maybe you'll meet someone that you could really care for.

I'm bored

You ever feel like you should be into someone? Like they're really awesome, and yet you're not particularly interested? I feel that way all the time. I'm kind of apathetic when it comes to going for the knockouts. Even though I shouldn't be. Weird shit, isn't it? It's like when you try and get a treasure, only to realize it's just a shiny hunk of metal and you can't really do anything with it. Or the girls who spend their whole life wishing for a diamond, when in the end it's just a clear shiny hunk of rock that's basically not even as good for anything as glass. I wonder why things that are so useless in society are so valued, beyond any intrinsic value or practical use they may have. This is not a knock on pretty girls, I love you, I just don't feel inclined to toss money after you. This is more just a reflection on how treasures soon lose their luster once possessed, and that my desire for you is fading like that of a possessed treasure, and I haven't even possessed you yet. That's really interesting. We place value on things that are worthless.

so, I really wanted to post this video, and I figure I'm just using this poem as an excuse to do it. I wrote this about a special friend who helped me find my way again, before I lost it again recently. But yeah, I think it is pretty good going with this, and yes, I think CGI videos of flaming dragons totally kick ass.




When first we met, we talked of storms,
And fire, the fire within,
How mine was gone, and puttered out,
Leaving my heart cold and dead;
We also talked of how a storm,
Can light the fire, kindle it inside,
But you told me you weren’t my storm,
But you also taught me to try again,
And fight again, to love myself and others once again,
Once again, because you were my friend,
And you weren’t afraid to love me,
Just for whom I am inside,
This innocent affection lit a spark,
And fun and smiles and laughter made it flame,
It burned brighter in me every day, and lifted me from the gloom;
The god in your smile made me see the god in me, reflected in your eyes,
You reminded me how to enjoy my life and reach for my goals,
Your ambition woke a kindred spirit locked deep inside within a frozen prison,
Made me resolve to follow after dreams,
Dreams that I had given up for dead,
You changed my life for good in many ways,
In the end you were wrong, my friend, you always were my storm,
And now I’m burning bright again.

What's wrong with me?

You ever look back at some people you liked and wonder what in the hell you liked about them that way? I do all the time, but then again that might just be because I can't possibly look back and see what I found attractive about anyone that I've been attracted to the last year. I've had some really good friendships come out of this year, but having recently seen both of the people that I had been really into, I'm finding myself hard pressed to figure out why. I mean, they are both really cute girls, it's just that I feel absolutely no spark or attraction to them now, so it just makes me wonder how that possibly could have been there, or maybe it wasn't, or maybe I'm a sociopath? I do like to push people away, it's actually something I don't think I can not do. But what ever. I am how I am and who I am. Everyone else will just have to deal, I make no apologies for myself.

Morning After

So I went to a party last night for my friend Ashley, she's pretty awesome, but just like me, is having trouble trying to find where she fits in this big old jigsaw puzzle of a world we inhabit. Sometimes you just have to follow where the wind takes you, and while it may not seem like you're going in the right direction, you're actually going where you've always been supposed to go. Life is funny, ain't it?



George RR Martin is about to finish a Dance With Dragons, it's about fucking time. And you heard it here first, Jon Snow is Rhaegar Targaryen and Leanna Stark's child. Well, you probably didn't hear it here first if you've ever read the books, but just for the record. I can't wait to read this book. If you don't know what it is, check out this clip and see for yourself.




Yeah, good shit huh?

Also, BYU better win the New Mexico bowl today. What a disgrace. Who goes to the New Mexico Bowl? There should be some serious coaching turnover because this whole season has been a clusterfuck.